Life Changes and Stress: 4 Signs It’s Time to See a Therapist

When life changes and stress increases, it may leave you asking yourself, “Should I see someone about this?” Keep reading for 4 signs it’s time to see a therapist.

You just went through a huge life change. Maybe it was unexpected: a breakup, being fired, losing a friendship. Maybe you were ready and excited for it: moving, a new job, graduating, going to college, getting married, having a baby, adopting a dog. But what do you do when this change starts to take over your life in a way you weren’t prepared for? Here are 4 signs that it could be helpful to see a therapist/counselor to help you adjust:

Sign 1) You feel “unsettled” for longer than you would expect.

We can usually cut ourselves some slack after a huge change. Typically, we do this more with the unexpected ones. It is often the expected changes that throw us for a loop because we think we should be able to cope better with positive stressors. But if you’re experiencing a gut feeling that something is off, it could be helpful to listen to that. There is no standard timeframe that says, “If you’re not fine by X date then something is wrong with you.” That said, if you find yourself constantly thinking “Shouldn’t I be over this by now?” and continue to feel intense emotions about the change, that would be a sign.

Sign 2) You are noticing things that are out of character for you

Another sign that it could be time to see a professional is if you’re experiencing feelings/behaviors more intensely and frequently than you usually do. These could include:

• Feeling really down, more often than not, when you typically describe yourself as a “happy” person

• Crying more easily and frequently

• Constantly asking yourself “What’s even the point?”

• Feeling unmotivated

• Feeling more nervous

• Not being able to shut your brain off to worrisome thoughts

• Frequently missing work/ school/ not following through with obligations

• Isolating yourself—canceling plans frequently or not answering texts

• Feeling on edge—snapping at loved ones, feeling like you can’t sit still

• Acting out of character—picking fights, drinking/smoking more, taking more risks

Sign 3) You’re having physical symptoms

Stress from life changes can affect your physical health as well as your mental health. Some physical symptoms that are signs you could benefit from seeing a therapist/counselor are:

• A change in sleeping patterns (sleeping more or less than usual)

• A change in appetite (eating more or less than usual)

• Stomach issues

• Headaches

• Tightness in your chest

• Difficulty breathing

• Fatigue

• Muscle tension

Sign 4) You feel like you can’t talk to your loved ones about it

This last sign commonly happens in two ways. For some, you may find that you feel embarrassed or ashamed of what you are feeling about the change. This makes it difficult to talk to your family or friends, for fear of them judging you. You start keeping to yourself instead of getting the support you need. For others, you may have talked about the change so much that your family and friends have expressed concern and frustration with you and they have nothing more to say. But you still feel like the situation isn’t resolved and still need to process it with someone.

What to consider next:

This is where seeing an unbiased professional can be incredibly helpful. The change could be one hugely life-altering event or many small changes that just don’t seem to give you a break. Big or “small,” a therapist can help you with tools to cope in healthy ways, help you determine if your experiences are turning into something more severe (like depression or anxiety), and provide a safe space for you to process your thoughts and emotions without judgment.

Check out my page on how I help people experiencing LIFE CHANGES AND STRESS

Feel like this is your sign to find support? Click HERE to contact me for a free 15-minute phone consultation and I can help guide you to your next steps!

-Stephanie

5 Tips for Telling Someone How You Feel

Does sharing your thoughts or feelings with other people stress you out?

In my therapy practice, I often talk with people about how they fear the potential conflict and vulnerability that can come with expressing themselves to others. I have found that working through that worry can actually help you to feel closer to other people and/or build your confidence from owning your standards. If communicating your emotions, thoughts, and desires to someone you care about makes you want to curl up in a blanket and hide or run for the hills, I have 5 tips to help you craft your message!

1) Know what YOU want

Getting in touch with your OWN needs and wants is an important first step to communication. It is very difficult to effectively get across what you expect from someone else when you’re not sure yourself. Do you hope to see changed behavior? Do you just need someone to know how you feel? Do you want to make a date? The list could go on.

Being clear on what YOU want first can help you keep a cooler head and give you a sense of control over yourself (note: you CANNOT control the other person, but we will talk more about that in a minute with Tip #4). It also gives you and the other person specific things to work with. Vague complaints can lead to more defensiveness.

Journaling, talking to someone you trust, or just sitting with your own thoughts can be useful ways to get you thinking.

2) Use “I-statements” when sharing your wants/needs/desires

Once you’ve figured out your thoughts and feelings about something, it’s time to consider how you want to share them! Keep in mind that the way we structure our messages can make or break a conversation. For example, as soon as a sentence starts with the word “you,” it automatically puts the other person on defense. “You don’t…,” “You did…,” “You made…” will more often than not lead to more arguing. Using statements like, “I feel…,” “I think…,” “I notice…,” “I need…,” shows ownership of your thoughts and feelings.

3) Use caution when throwing around assumptions

There is a phrase that goes: “What happens when you assume? It makes an “ass” out of “u” and “me.” The same rings true when you’re trying to tell someone how you feel. Assuming someone’s intentions or feelings will more often than not lead to an argument that you did not intend to have. You then end up in a debate of who is right or wrong about the assumption, instead of communicating your point from Tip #1. Instead, try to leave room for human error and get curious about the situation. Most people have good intentions.

For example, if you were upset that your crush didn’t text you last night and you respond like this: “I know you don’t care about me because you didn’t text me yesterday.” You’re likely going to be met with an avalanche of excuses that miss the point. Instead, if you said, “I was hoping to hear from you last night and I was really bummed when I didn’t.” You’re more likely to get their cooperation and understanding that they disappointed you, as well as the reason you didn’t hear from them.

4) Allow them to have their feelings

Remember how I earlier said you can’t control the other person? Here’s where that comes in. You can craft a beautiful message and people can still react poorly to it. This has more to do with them and their own perceptions than it does you. If you’ve done the prep work to own your thoughts/feelings, chosen words that don’t blame/shame, and are mindful of your tone (read: watch the sass!) then that’s all you can do. Those are what you’re responsible for. You are not responsible for the other person’s reactions. This leads to my last tip:

5) Be prepared for possible rejection

Rejection sucks. It’s not fun to have someone disagree with you or deny you. But not all conflict is bad conflict and not all rejections are bad in the end even if it feels terrible in the moment. Working through disagreements and hurts can bring us closer together. It can also help us make informed decisions about the people we allow in our lives. If someone responds really poorly to you sharing how you feel, that might be helpful information to have as you determine if you’re interested in continuing that relationship.

There you have it! You can use these tips in most situations with friends, family, partners, even coworkers. If you find that you shy away from conflict in your relationships and experience anxiety around it, consider working with me to improve your communication skills and help you find confidence in interacting with others!

Click here to get in touch and schedule a free 15-minute consultation!

-Stephanie